How it all started

I have been alone for almost a week now and this time has made me think about a lot of things, especially about the random little consequences that have shaped my life into what it is now. Isn’t it kind of absurd when you start thinking about it? That how little our plans actually matter?

Moving to Finland was a very emotional choice. I had made some horrible decisions in terms of my education and personal life, and after I had gotten already used to living with my two best buddies: Self-Pity and Depression, my mother came up with a brilliant idea that I CAN actually leave Estonia. I agreed immediately without having any vision for the future but all the arrangements for going happened surprisingly fast. The problem with our culture is that it seems to dictate that when you work hard enough and won’t give up, you will be eventually happy. However, what the culture does not tell you is that our time on this planet is ridiculously short, especially for being unhappy.

Every beginning is hard? Well, mine wasn’t since I was lucky to find a job quickly to keep me busy; in addition, it allowed me to learn the Finnish language and make acquaintances fast as well. I also don’t believe in that good old “you cannot escape from yourself” cliche because no one can be the exact same person in different environments with different people at a different time. But what I do believe in is the difficulty of getting rid of the old IDEA of you and without reconsidering that, the same bad decisions start to repeat themselves. Those random consequences that brought me to Finland, enabled me to meet random people who met the new and better me, and at the same time they have also made the new and better me.  I was lucky then and I still am.

Many people from Estonia have said how much I have changed over the time here. I was incredibly flattered when an old friend even asked what my secret is. Well, this is the part of it: If you cannot be the person you desperately want to be, maybe you can be that person elsewhere.